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Dan Ariely: On Dating & Relationships | Talks at Google

Googler Logan Ury talks to behavioral economist and “Predictably Irrational” author Dan Ariely in the second of our Modern Romance talks. They discuss the paradox of choice in the “Age of Tinder,” why a canoe is the best place to test your long-term compatibility, and other research-based insights and advice for modern dating and relationships.


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  1. There is more to it: why the online profiles are still meaningless? Lots of dating startups, lots of established websites and not improvements over all these years? The answer is .. profit! The less meaningful profiles are on the site, the more people search and keep on searching. And pay the companies for the subscription. If suddenly all dating appswebsites could match people well, then these apps will have much fewer users (and less profit).

  2. This is why you don't listen to men on topics like this. Listen 35 minutes in. He NEVER says that the way to fix the male/female ratio is to pay women equally and to hire women equally in high tech. High tech in Silicon Valley does NOT hire women who are equally qualified.

  3. So women care about height and income, while men care more about BMI. I can say that is close to the wealth and status vs youth and beauty preference that we know about.

  4. 28:14 This is a good example of how political correctness gets in the way of telling facts or discussing research. Dan had no problem "triggering" aka offending some people in the audience, Logan Ury apparently had.

  5. Many of Ariely's comments are of limited value – have a heavy cultural bias – as they exclude consensual non-monogamy (which was the norm for hundreds of thousands of years).

  6. I EARNESTLY BELIEVE that Dan is the absolute wrong person to ask because of his heavy face injury on the right side he will not even succeed if he dates 25.000 women with each date 4-5 hours. Also I find him too tricky and not being honest !

  7. I told my best friend I thought the girl he was with was not for him, which other friends agreed with. Didn't matter. He still married her. There's a point where the investment they've put in becomes the measurement, not what your friends think and he had crossed that threshold. It is what it is.

  8. The questions are not meaningless. It is incorrectly stated. I think yeah, it's not exciting, but yes, I need to remember your brother's name is X so I can address him when I see him and show you that I care who he is as a person. We choose to start out slowly because it's safe. All he's done is speed things up, and while nothing is wrong with that, it really asks … how fast do you want your relationship to start? How much time do you really have?

  9. This is the epitome of the first date. This was a trainwreck of an interview but wonderful. Areily wanted an introduction, as useless as he suggests it is. Without this, he's suspicious of the interviewer…Dan Ariely looks disheveled and tired like he just woke up. He also looks uncomfortable and sounds upset and angry from the beginning. The interviewer also seems anxious and clumsy and disconnected.. It's as if she is saying "speak you imbecile!", but without saying anything..trying to respond in an awkward way and unhuman way without being offensive. Areily is beautifully human and has some important things to say about behavior. And instructs her on being authentic…. Maybe a bit of male ego? Perhaps. He's uncomfortable with the vulnerability… His eyes don't know where to focus, on the floor.. off into the audience… he doesn't look at her, he's probably afraid… of her breast…The audience is stupid and laughs..

  10. He is great – But very annoying that the host is making sounds the entire interview… Hard to focus on the words he is saying with her constant 'mm, mm hmm'.

  11. What women want has less to do with the man, and more to do with scarcity. If there are ten women and one man in a room, the man's value will be high. If another man enters the room, the first man's value drops. When women are made to compete with one another, they become proactive. Then, as Dan says, you value something more when you work for it. That's why Bumble is replacing Tinder. They maintain female to male ratios, and require that women make the first move.

  12. Arranged marriages working out better makes sense when you think about it. Your parents are choosing for you and your parents, especially your mother knows you better than you know yourself. So when it comes to picking a spouse that is compatible it makes sense that your mom could choose a better match for you then you, yourself can. FYI this is just my own thinking. I am not nor do I know anybody who has had an arranged marriage.

  13. I have always done day-dates. That what I call them but they don’t necessarily have to be in the day. I don’t believe that dinner and a movie is a good first date at all. I things like going to a fair or carnival, an amusement park, or something a tourist would do. Maybe like zip-lining, or some activity that is more likely to make each other less nervous, share an activity, and have something to talk about. You can discuss your opinion on say the booth you just left, or ride you just went on, or the thing that was for sale. Then if it passes a meal time then what you are eating is not fancy or stiff and you don’t have to worry about the other person watching you eat to see if you are an animal or not. It’s carnival food. You’re expected to eat half human-like and half animal-like. It also gives you something in common to talk about on your next conversation after the date. It has always worked out great. Even if I knew the person wasn’t for me it still wasn’t a horrible time unless the person is just a complete ass. And in that case, you are lucky to see that side right away and you can always stop the date at anytime if they are a jerk. But I haven’t really ran into anybody horrible. Just people who aren’t the right fit or in some cases a great fit. I highly recommend it. But for God’s sake, don’t go to a museum! Unless it’s like a science museum or an aquarium. No staring at art unless you already know 100% that you two of you are both art fanatics. Even like a sporting event can do great if you both are into that sport. It’s a great way to get to know that person way better than a dinner that you both are nervous at and a movie where you don’t talk.

  14. I agree it might be good to have an "outside" woman (whether affair or non) for a man to talk about relationships with, but I'll add that I think it's just as helpful and important for a woman to have an "outside" man (affair or non) to talk about relationships with. Talking about how to deal with men amongst other women usually doesn't turn out to be particularly wise or successful.

  15. great talk.
    really informative.

    so we girls really should play hard to get to leverage the cognitive bias.

    the canoe test and the 20 questions for dating are brilliant.

    Dr. David Buss had great insights into looking at 4 or 5 characteristics we should look for and prioritize in choosing:
    1 intelligence
    2 compatibility
    3 physical attractiveness
    4 commonality
    5 values

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