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First of all you’d be surprised how many meetings I attend given that I live on a farm and I hate to leave. And, to be honest, every time I’ve written advice about how to handle yourself in a meeting, I’ve actually written about how not to handle yourself.

Like, how to gross out investors. How to disrupt a board meeting by tweeting about a miscarriage. How to look crazy in a parent-teacher conference.

For me, each meeting begins with trying on every outfit I have and sending Melissa a picture to ask if it is okay for a meeting. The pinnacle of each meeting is when I wow people with my ideas, which is immediately mitigated by my insanely terrible social skills.

Speaking of my brilliant ideas, I am great at identifying my weaknesses.

Did I ever tell you the secret to writing a good sex scene? Or did I ever tell you that I got into a top creative writing program because the head of the program said I am the best sex writer he’s ever read?

The secret is to write about bad sex. So for example, you don’t want to write about giving the perfect blow job. You want to write about the blow job you start and then in the middle you decide you’re having a fat day and you can’t finish. The guy will tell you he doesn’t care that you’re fat. And you will say, “See? Even you admit that I’m fat.”

This is all to say that people are way more interested in what is going wrong in your life than what you’re great at. Which is why it’s really important to know your weaknesses. Because that’s what’s most interesting about you.

This also means, though, that at some point this blog is going to have to be a little more useful about how to shine in a meeting. So someone else is going to have to write the post, instead of me.

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