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The Split-Second Question That Can Change Your Life

Understanding the fundamental question to change who you are and how you act

Source | www.inc.com | CAROL KAUFFMAN

Change lies in this instant, the divide between past and future. It offers tiny windows of opportunity to be different. If you could pause and make a choice versus just reacting, how differently would you lead? Take a lesson from Frances Hesselbein and Eric Shineski, who developed the famous “Be Know Do” leadership development model adopted by the Army.  “Be,” or who you are, is the key. How can you unlock your best leadership? Hint: It is in the Now. Who you chose to be. The question to change who you are and how you act is: Who do you want to be, right now?

When Marshall Goldsmith first heard that I ask myself this question many times a day, he stopped our meeting. I was stunned when he said: “I’ve read 400 books on Buddhism and that’s the best definition of mindfulness I’ve ever heard.” 

How does it work? The question can give you the lever to crack open that space between a stimulus and your response. In his book Triggers, Goldsmith points out that in essence, if you can lead yourself in that moment, you can lead anyone. When you’re triggered, you need a jolt to get back on track. If this split-second question becomes a habit, it can change your career and your life.

A couple of examples: 

Jennifer, the CEO of a biotech company, finds out an employee hasn’t delivered on an important project. Without thinking, she has that intake of breath that releases that edgy irritable comment: How many times do I need to … Then, she asks herself that split-second question: Who do I want to be right now? She pauses, asks the employee one friendly, information question, and possibly finds out something important her company needs to know.

Jose, CFO, is beyond capacity, yet can’t say no. His CEO doesn’t think twice about piling on work, and asks for yet another analysis that Jose knows won’t add value. His energy sinks and the reflexive yes is on the tip of his tongue. Does he give in, or does he think, Who do I want to be right now? Do meaningless work and become resentful? Or, pause and say just one sentence to slow the request down and buy time for both to think it through.

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Source
www.inc.com
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