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Harvard world-champion debater: How people-pleasers can win arguments, in 3 simple steps

By | Natasha Piñon | www.cnbc.com

If you’re a people-pleaser, you know how hard it can be to win arguments while keeping everyone happy. 

That makes Bo Seo’s status as a two-time world-champion debater for Australia and Harvard University all the more impressive. Back in the day, his elementary school report cards were defined by a single word: “Agreeable.”

Today, Seo is the author of “Good Arguments,” a book about how his debate experiences translate to building relationships with people in the real world.

On a recent episode of “The Next Big Idea” — a podcast curated by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain and Daniel Pink — Seo broke down exactly how you can overcome your people-pleasing tendencies to get your point across and win arguments in just three steps.

Here’s what he recommended.

Identify the problem

People-pleasing isn’t inherently bad. But when you’re too focused on pleasing others, you start neglecting your own feelings and point of view, Seo said.

Seo said he first noticed his people-pleasing tendencies when he moved from South Korea to Australia. He was unable to speak English at the time, and was one of the area’s few Asian kids.

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